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| Personal Story No. 10 |
| Gay and Christian in KENYA, UGANDA, TANZANIA, RWANDA AND BURUNDI |
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| Other Sheep Websites Other Sheep English Other Sheep Spanish Argentina Other Sheep Foundation Executive Director |
| Jose Ortiz, Other Sheep Coordinator for Africa |
| Steve Parelli, Other Sheep Executive Director |
Above photes:
Top Picture
Jose is leading one of the
many discussion groups
that met in our apartment.
Bottom Picture
Steve is teaching the
power point presentation
on the Bible and
Homosexuality from his
lap top.
Nairobi, Kenya
July, 2007
Top Picture
Jose is leading one of the
many discussion groups
that met in our apartment.
Bottom Picture
Steve is teaching the
power point presentation
on the Bible and
Homosexuality from his
lap top.
Nairobi, Kenya
July, 2007
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| "I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them in also."John 10:16 |
You'll see no faces and no names of gay East Africans on this website. It isn't safe! |
| This website was constructed in July of 2007 Visits made to this web page since February 2008 |
| Photo at right: Gays telling their stories to one antoher in the Nairobi gated apartment complex where Steve and Jose were staying. |
| Continue to next personal story |
| I applied every spiritual means I knew . . . but still I was gay Kenyan Man, Twenty-Five Submitted January 15, 2008 I wish I could be accepted as an equal in the church community and not feel like an outcast. __________________________________________ |
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| Why you'll see no pictures and no names of gay East Africans on this website: |
| "In October 2006, a local newspaper published a list of names of suspected gays and lesbians. The gay rigths group says several people whose names appeared on the list lost jobs and were mistreated by their families." |
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Opening Remarks
Hello all.
Thank you for taking the time to read through my story. I am
not a professional writer, but I felt I needed to have my
thoughts heard by someone out there. I am a 25 year old gay
Christian living in Kenya.
My Childhood Years:
- No father; early childhood gay related experiences
I first started hearing about salvation when I was about 7
years old. By then my grandmother was a very devoted
Catholic and so she always criticized Pentecostal churches,
little did I know that I would be a fully pledged Pentecostal
Christian someday. I may as well mention that I come from a
single parent family…my mother has been my closest friend
and support in this life. She struggled to raise me up even
without the support of my biological father (I’ve had a step-
father). I first had a gay experience when I was about four
years old with my cousin. It might have seemed like child play
but I remember every detail so clearly. Right from lower
primary school (lower grade), I did not play boyish games like
soccer, and instead I’d join the girls and play their games (I
am not suggesting that all homosexuals will engage in
feminine child play, I am just highlighting some of the things
that made me different from the other boys). I’d even cross
dress in my own innovative ways e.g. by inverting my school
pullover so that I’d wear it like a skirt. The girls did not seem
to mind this…and it went on as far as I can remember…I had
numerous crushes on my male friends, male teachers and
even some of my male cousins.
- How my school mates discovered I was gay
It was in high school that I came to know Jesus Christ as my
personal savior and it’s still in high school that I desired to
find a partner…I eventually gave in to my overwhelming gay
emotions and wrote a love letter to a boy whom I had a crush
on and we had mutually agreed to take things further i.e.
intimate. However, by mistake the letter got mixed up with my
library books and got lost (all of this having occurred a week
prior to me receiving salvation). It did not bother me that the
letter got lost and what the consequences would be if
someone found it…to me I thought of it as ‘normal’ expression
of love between 2 people (later on the week, on Sunday the
7th of March I received Jesus Christ as my personal savior).
However, I was experienced a rude shock when one month
down the line the letter was discovered by some of the senior
boys in my high school (note this was a boarding school). The
boys did not waste time trying to find the queer who wrote the
letter. Being a freshman in high school meant an easy pick for
the senior boys as they had all they needed to torture me and
make my life a living hell …the dreaded love letter (a symbol
of love and commitment to my partner). I did not know what to
do exactly. I was not only afraid of getting expelled from high
school but was also afraid my mother would die of shock and
depression if she were to find this out. Furthermore, I was
afraid that the society would never accept me as I was…all I
wanted to do was to die, right there. I thought of drowning
myself in the swimming pool or alternatively taking an
overdose of medical drugs to somehow terminate my life. I
earnestly prayed to God to just take away my life as life had
no meaning since I was labeled and rejected by the rest of
the school community (sadly, my relationship with my partner
was broken due to all the events that were unfolding, we
could no longer be together)…this was my end, I had no real
friend to turn to. I was the talk of the entire school except for
the staff (or maybe they had an idea of what was going on!!!)
How a friend and the school Chaplin tried to help end
the bullying
A friend noticed the agony I was going through (this friend
later helped me pray to God to ask for deliverance from
homosexuality)… The senior boys were relentless as they
took advantage of the whole situation and used it to their
advantage in torturing and bullying me. My friend advised me
that I ought to go and see the school chaplain as my last
hope of redemption…I went in and saw him and explained the
whole situation. Later that evening the senior boys were
summoned and the Chaplin asked them to hand over the
letter, which by this time had been read by hundreds in the
school (mind you we had a population of 700 students) like a
coveted love story magazine. The chaplain took the letter and
asked that the matter end there. There would be no further
discussion of it. I thought I would be called in for counseling or
something of the sort but that did not happen. However the
prejudice did not really stop…the school kept on talking and
talking about the gay boy and no one wanted to associate
with me.
My spiritual/ religious attempts to be delivered from
homosexuality
My only source of rest was in the Christian Union. It was here
that I began to pray deeply to God to remove this
‘abomination’ from me. I wanted to be set free from
homosexuality so desperately that I began my journey to seek
deliverance and forgiveness from God. I prayed and fasted
for days for God to take out this ‘sin’ from me. I read Christian
books that suggested anyone engaging in homosexuality was
under the power of Satan and demons. That frightened me
even more…and yearned for this yoke to be taken away.
However no matter what I did to draw closer to God, it all
seemed in vain. I’d fall back right in.
Temptation to sin, the act of sinning, and the remorse
and repentance that always followed
At this point let me mention that…after my eventful ‘coming
out’ several students made advances at me and showed their
willingness to engage in homosexual acts in a masked move
to use me for their own selfish desires despite the fact that all
I wanted to establish was a loving, caring and deep
connection with someone who I’d assume would be looking for
the same thing from me. Of course I fell right in as the
temptation was too much to keep it locked up as I desired to
be loved and wanted (what do you expect a young gay man
to do when he is deprived of any chance of true love and
acceptance???). But I would always end up in tears after all
was done (I mean the sex). I would feel like I had committed
the most unforgivable sin in the entire world, and a sense of
guilt would FLOOD my heart. My relationship with God was a
rocky one, considering that I had to repent every other time
and seek His forgiveness.
My energies were spent on dealing with homosexuality
instead of on growing in God
I had no space and time to grow deeper in to knowing God,
as much of my energies in prayer and seeking God were
spent on dealing with the homosexual aspect in my life. I
hated the walk, I felt like I was cheating God in a way. I was
not being true to Him and I felt I had no control of this thing we
call homosexuality which seemed and in actual fact still is part
and parcel of me!!! What else could I do to get rid of it???
I told my pastor's wife that I was gay and she attempted
to cast out the 'demons' in me
That’s when the thought came into my mind that maybe I
should see my local church pastor. I had to gather a lot of
courage as you might imagine. I could not approach my
church pastor directly and tell him about my situation. Instead
I decided to reveal the whole situation to the pastor’s wife (my
church pastor did come to know what I was)…who took it well
and did not go condemning me at first (or so I thought). She
said I should see her later that evening…probably I should
mention that I had also shared my situation with a close friend
at church, who had also encouraged me to talk to my pastor
(unfortunately this friend also left the church later on)
…evening came and I went to see her. So she asked all the
questions she needed to ask e.g. my history and experience
with homosexuality. Afterwards she started praying for me so
that we could cast out the ‘demons’ in me, I ‘played’ along.
Somehow in me I believed that I must have been demon
possessed considering every other book I had read
addressing the homosexuality on a Christian perspective
claimed that homosexuals were demon possessed. The
‘demons’ had to be cast out of me somehow. I screamed and
rolled on the floor and said all sorts of things, but behind my
head I knew I was acting and could get of this show that I was
putting up.
My belief in the power of prayer, yet no noticeable
change
Please note I am not disputing the power of prayer. I have
prayed in my life and I have witnessed the Power of Jesus
Christ in my life…all I want you to know is that, there were no
demons in me but I had to act so that the ‘healing’ process
could be complete. After the prayers I was very exhausted
from all the shouting and rolling on the ground. I thought it
was done…I would be a heterosexual guy, what I was ‘meant’
to be!!! Well, surprise, surprise, morning came and I still had
the gay thoughts and feelings in my heart and my mind…in
other words nothing had changed, I was still attracted to men
and I still wanted to be gay. After a few months I went in for
prayers again and the whole fiasco was replayed with no
changes whatsoever and hence I withdrew seeking help and
assistance from church leaders.
gay Christian:
- I employed every spiritual means I knew in order to be
'free' from homosexuality
Remember for me it was a constant struggle, as every time I
would ‘know’ a man I would afterwards feel all guilty and
depressed that I was sinning against God yet I had no real
control of what I felt inside me. The whole process was
replayed over and over…I remember the times I would wake
up early in the morning to seek the face of God in deep
groaning and mourning…to those Christians out there who
thought that I really wanted this or it was just a matter of
choosing, I want you to know, more than anything I wanted to
be ‘free’ from homosexuality. I read the bible and meditated
on the word of God, I prayed to God from the depths of my
soul and heart…I cried earnestly to Him whose mercies are
new every morning. I sought the face of the God of David, I
asked Him not to take away His Holy Spirit from me, I asked
Him continuously to restore the joy of Salvation unto me…I
begged and cried and cried all the more humbly at His
presence, I prayed the Word and I believed that there is
nothing impossible with God. He is the God who parted the
red sea, He is the God who was able to sustain a man in the
den of lions, He is the God who was able to protect three men
in a raging fire, He is the God who loved the world so much
that He gave His only begotten Son so that whoever believes
in Him will not perish but have eternal life. It is Him that I
prayed to earnestly and persistently…stop, don’t you think
that if He really wanted, with all His might and power He would
have already transformed me into a heterosexual man???
How my Christian friends in my church, including the
pastor, utterly cast me out
Brothers and sisters in Christ, though your hearts are filled
with prejudice against homosexuals, you never look into your
very own lives and see how much you hurt and repress
people of homosexual orientation. I believe the church should
be a place of acceptance and not condemnation. The church
hurt me more than the world could have hurt me. People I
knew as my friends turned against me once they knew about
my orientation. My very own pastor plotted how to bring me
out of the church by accusing me of teaching homosexuality
and masturbation to the youth in the church, which was never
true…They plotted in every way possible to see that I did not
continue to fellowship with them. Finally, I had had enough
and I decided to move away from the church. I no longer
worship at church since I am like an ‘outcast’ to my
congregation…yet none seeks to understand what
homosexuality is all about, ‘we’ have labeled it as the sin of
Sodom and Gomorrah and therefore anyone engaging in it
will be rained on by fire from heaven.
Why are Christians so hostel against something they
don't even understand?
Most believers think it’s like a ‘cold’ and with the proper drugs
and treatment it will all go away. I have never been interested
in a woman in any deeper way than just plain friendship. This
is me, it is not something that someone introduced me to or
forced me to do it. Red flag, as early 4 years old I was already
engaging in gay related activities, can it get any more obvious
than that??? I wish the church would stop the animosity they
so readily show against homosexuals. Jesus, fellowshipped
with all…sinners, adulterers, thieves, the list is endless.
Maybe the tag W.W.J.D ("What would Jesus do?") that
Christians are so fond of displaying on the bumper of their
cars should ring a bell in them.
Have pastors really studied out the matter biblically
before they condemn from the pulpit?
I have been reading a book titled ‘The Children are Free’,
and I would recommend that all Christians read this book. I
am not a theologian, but the authors of the book have
highlighted some critical areas in the bible regarding
homosexuality and for your information, these contents will
never be highlighted during the Sunday sermons when the
preacher is condemning homosexuals, and stressing how
they will burn forever in ‘hell’.
I've tried everything I know in order to change
In conclusion, I have tried all possibilities that came from me
and other individuals whom I thought cared for me, to try and
correct my sexual orientation.
We are not sick, and we are just like other straight
people
I now know that homosexuals are not sick people, neither are
they demon possessed. They are plainly…human beings,
they eat and drink the same food as heterosexuals, and they
have the same blood flowing in their veins arteries like any
other straight people. I have the same ambitions as to
succeed in life and become a worthy citizen of my country. I
desire to help in all possible humanely ways.
Straights need to respect gays just as they wish and
deserve to receive respect
I feel offended when we force people to conform to ‘our’
standards…I respect the relationship between a man and a
woman and believe it is a noble thing, but in the same sense
can heterosexuals also respect the feelings that gay couples
have towards each other???
The church puts a double yoke on gays and lesbians
It is my humble plea that the church should make a strong
effort to stop making gays and lesbians carry double yokes. I
wish I could return and worship in church like I used to,
praising and singing for the almighty God on high. I wish I
could be accepted as an equal in the church community and
not feel like an outcast.
I have accepted myself even as God has accepted me.
It is the church that must stop with its hatred.
I have accepted myself as I am and I believe that God has
accepted me as I am and He has a purpose as to why He has
allowed me to continue being the way I am. I also know that
I'm fearfully and wonderfully made and God knew me even
before I was formed in my mother’s womb. Trying to change
me will be absolutely futile. I wish this hatred would stop, stop,
and stop!!! The only mistake I’ve done is just being myself.